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This is an excerpt from
How To Bottom Like A Porn Star: The Guide To Gay Anal Sex.
It Starts With Knowing Why It Feels Like You’re Being Impaled By A Fence Post.
It isn’t just your sphincter causing all that pain; it’s your “S-curve” as well as involuntary puborectal contractions. Discover your anatomical structure so you can make The Sexhalation Method work better.
Relaxing your sphincter during anal sex will go a long way to eliminating pain, but it only gets you so far into the promised land. There are two other points of pain to watch out for. In order to prevent them from doing the devil’s work you have to understand a bit of butt anatomy. Let’s start with something that might surprise you.
Learning how to bottom starts with knowing you have two sphincters.
You may only have one anus but two connecting sphincters surround it. They are distinct but overlapping bands of muscle tissue. And while they serve the exact same function (regulating grand openings and final close-outs) they go about it in different ways. You are most familiar with the external sphincter because you can order it to tighten and release. Here, try it. Squinch your starfish by using the muscles to stop yourself from peeing. Got it? Tighten, release, tighten, release. Now, this time with feeling! Tighten, release. Now do five fast tightens. Get it? You can boss that part of your butt around. Feel like taking a crap but there’s no bathroom around? No problem. You can will your external sphincter not to open. At least for a while.
But the internal sphincter? You can’t tell it to do shit. And I mean that in every sense of the word. You are not its boss. Like your blood pressure and heartbeat, you cannot directly control it.
Do this: Put your hands in front of you as if you’re praying. Now intertwine your fingers down to the webbing and press your palms together as tight as you can. Now keep everything connected and completely relax both hands. Notice the small opening between the side of your thumb and your index finger? This is the opening to your anus. If somebody tried to poke their finger through that opening it would feel snug but it’d go in pretty easy.
Now tighten both hands as hard as you can. The left hand is the internal sphincter you cannot directly control. The right hand is the external sphincter you can. Keeping the left hand tight as a drum, completely relax your right hand. Your right hand (external sphincter) is relaxed so a slight opening was created. But your left hand (internal sphincter) is so tight that it won’t let a poking finger through very easily.
Welcome to bottoming’s first dilemma: The left hand doesn’t know what the right hand is doing. Or more accurately, the left hand doesn’t care what the right hand is doing. The internal and external sphincter can and often do work independently of each other. In order to make penetration smooth and effortless both sphincters have to get on the same page. How do gay men have sex? By training both sphincters to relax. In the next chapter, you’re going to learn how to do that, but first, let’s talk about another pain in the ass. Did you know that…
You Own A Sling?
It’s way down deep in your dungeon where it belongs. The puborectal sling is a strong ring of supportive muscle that creates a curve in the rectum. You’re not the only thing that isn’t straight in your house, you know. Neither is your rectum. The sling pulls the lower end of the rectum toward your belly button before it straightens out to eventually become the anal canal, which is the passageway from your sphincter to the rectum.
Tips for gay sex: The S curve caused by the sling is responsible for pain point #2. The more the sling pulls the lower rectum toward the navel, the more pronounced your S curve will be. Why would that create pain? Because unless you find a way to straighten the S curve your partner’s penis will ram the rectal wall at up to ninety degrees and make you think you’re getting stabbed on the inside with a bat. Raise your left hand, palm down. Now poke the palm with your right index finger. This is the penis hitting the rectal wall caused by the S curve. Now move your palm up to ninety degrees (as if you were shaking somebody’s hand) and poke it with your index finger the way you did before. You can’t. Your finger glides up your palm. That’s what bottoming will feel like if you straighten out your S curve.
Now, there is a third point of pain. It’s located across the entire puborectal region, and it’s caused by a simple law of nature.
Your Body Automatically Contracts When You Insert Something Into It.
The puborectal region is not used to being penetrated. It will interpret the penetrating object as an invading army that must be repelled. Never mind the sphincter and the sling (sounds like a new Disney fairy tale, doesn’t it? “The Sphincter & The Sling”). Wait. Where was I? Oh, yes, all the muscles, fibers and tissues in the area will contract when you insert a foreign object and make it exceedingly difficult to bottom. These contractions are simply the body trying to protect itself. We’ll talk later about how to neutralize this natural reaction, but for now…
You have three potential points of pain:
1. The Internal And External Sphincters.
They work together (and apart) to keep things in or out. Sometimes they work independently of each other, which is a bummer because it makes complete relaxation a bit trickier. Think of your hands clasped together tightly. If one hand loosens but the other doesn’t, it’s harder to get a finger through the hole. If both hands loosen the finger slides in easily. It’s fairly easy to relax your external sphincter because it obeys conscious command. The internal sphincter? Not so much. Your challenge is to relax both sphincters so that a penis can get through them without causing pain.
2. The S Curve Caused By The Puborectal Sling.
Even if you get past the gatekeeping sphincters, you have to deal with the S curve in your rectum caused by the puborectal sling. It forces the lower end of the rectum to curve toward the navel, thus creating a situation where the incoming penis hits the anal wall almost perpendicularly. The pain will make you wish impotence on your partner. Think of a highway guardrail curving into the middle of the road. Less road and more guardrail means the car is bound to hit the barrier and cause some damage.
3. The Puborectal Contractions.
The body knows that the best way to repel an invading force is to shut everything down tightly. Because the puborectal region is only used to things going out of it, the attempt to put something into it is going to be met with withering skepticism. Muscles in the surrounding area will clamp down hard and make you pay dearly for your impertinence.
These are the three pain points that made you stop bottoming when you tried or will stop you if you attempt to bottom without having a strategy that addresses them. Fortunately, we are about to do that...
This is an excerpt from